If only. . .

A day of thanks has come and gone and, although thankful for many things, there's a somberness as I realize my loss. Gone is the time left to make memories, exchange hugs and share frivolous conversation with the brother I so treasured. While his physical and emotional discomfort has come to an end, my emotions weigh heavy.

It is obvious now how time can create and it can end moments of joy, exhiliration, anguish, ill feelings and abundant egotistical delays in resolution. What I once thought would be reversible can be no longer.

If only...

There is no longer time to resolve issues of the heart once the door to life has slammed shut. The pain you had only thought you were familiar with now has a different significance. The cherished memories are dampened with tears.

If only there'd been more days of laughter reminiscing of valued times and lessons learned.

If only I'd spoken the adoration so tightly held within for reasons I know not now.

If only I'd had photos taken of the siblings I'd so blessedly been given. If only.

The immaturity that forced the love into strained distance now seems only a damnation to something precious.

If only . . .

Prayer and revelation will bring peace as will the thoughts of the many blessings today. At rest will my heart be in the warmth of happier times. For most of all, love does prevail and faith in meeting again brings comfort.

It is not what is said. It is what lay behind the guarded walls. It is in the silence we must heal.

If only...